The test of a liberal

When I read (and agree whole-heartedly with) articles such as the following, I know I’m a liberal through and through. I just want the author of David Christ Superstar to know that the time he describes in his post is nigh, and hopefully sooner rather than later.

Quote
All I knew is that all my friends would joke about faggots and that if I ever came out of the closet, it would be nothing short of social suicide. It’s a horrible experience, and I would hope that no other generations of teens ever have to go through that. Fortunatly, laws like this are working to change that very problem.
Source: Sodomy to be taught in San Fracissyco (sic) elementary school!

The absurdity of it all

I pride myself on being (some-what of) a free thinker. I’ve dabbled in Existensionalism¹, Religion², and Fatalism³; but I always return to one style of thinking – Absurdism.

Absurdism is…

…a philosophy stating that the efforts of humanity to find meaning in the universe will ultimately fail because no such meaning exists (at least in relation to humanity).⁴

There is, of course, more to it than that but here I will try to explain my own experiences with the absurdities of life.

I came to the unfortunate conclusion that life is absurd during one of my (then) frequent bounts of depression⁵. Before, I’d always put this down to manic depression⁶. I’d be on top of the world, quickly followed by a period of intense guilt⁷ and self-loathing⁸. But this time was different; I sat there, having not eaten properly for about three days, and thought “What the fuck am I doing? This is absurd”.

A few days later, I stumbled upon the wikipedia article explaining absurdism and, suddenly, it all made sense. I realised I’d always been an absurdist, just without realising. From then on, my whole outlook changed; as the lead article mentions…

Henceforth, the absurd hero’s refusal to hope becomes his singular ability to live in the present with passion, forever responsible but never guilty.

So I now do appreciate the absurdity of life, but I’ve taken it to an extreme that may not be covered by it. I now view most (not all) social interaction as absurd; if you flirt with a girl, you know why you do it, she knows why you do it, but you don’t ever speak about doing it. When you do, people become uncomfortable and sometimes react badly to this, which can be unfortunate.

Where this path of thinking will lead me, I don’t know, but I’m sure when I get there I’ll be able to see how absurd the conclusion is.

References & Footnotes

1. Existentialism
2. Religion
3. Fatalism
4. Absurdism
5. Depression
6. Manic depression
7. Guillt
8. Self-loathing

A sanitised version of Hell

After reading my friend’s blog¹, I began to think about crushes. The definition of a crush (or a limerence) is:

…a state of mind characterized by intrusive thinking, longing, uncertainty, hope, misperception, fantasies, and passion.²

Basically, It boils down to being delusional. My friend Gaz³ is an exception to this rule, thankfully, and I am not calling one of my closest friends delusional here. I want to focus on the more intrinsically compulsive types of crushes. Teenagers are far more prone to these, but us elders are not immune, trust me.

Disclaimer: This is my own opinion, please don’t be offended!

A crush is something many people suffer from time to time. It’s comforting, and provides a practically orgasmic form of escapism. They are not inherently unhealthy, as everyone has to have hope⁴, and that’s what they ultimately mean. You have fixated all romantic feeling on them, through choice, hormones, or just merely noticing that they are fun to be around. However you chose them is important, but not really in the scope of this lecture. For more info on these, check the footnotes.

Back to the topic at hand. So you’ve chosen your target, but realised you can never express to them how you feel. So now you’re in a quandary: You love them, but what now? Do you forget about them and move on? Or do you carry on harbouring this unrequited yearning? For this, we assume you take the second option.

An imaginary world is created, where you concoct images and scenarios of the first kiss, etc, and you are quite happy to escape into this universe at any given opportunity. But like all pleasure, it’s heavily addictive. You need to keep doing it more and more to feed the insatiable romantic beast inside of you. if you do this, then it is quite easy for it to cross over into an obsession, where they then become destructive. They become destructive when your very mood can change on a whim, when you plan your social life around them for no apparent reason (and unbeknown to them), when a touch becomes a caress, when you read flirting web sites for tips on reading their actions. The list could go on.

I may be on a soap box here, but I am not immune from them, and I’ve had my fair share in the past, and absolutely none of them ended with me getting the girl⁵. But I found it difficult to live a life where I had emotionally invested so much in a person who was unaware of my feelings. So, about 12 months ago, I decided not to put so much faith in these flights of fancy. It was very liberating, and I honestly don’t regret it. Don’t get me wrong, I still fancy girls, but I make sure to stay clear of obsession. You’d be wise to do the same.

But don’t think I’m going to leave you without a final note. If you do like a girl, then just ask her out.⁶ I understand it’s an easy thing to say, but seemingly hard to do. But, if you know anything about the opposite sex, then you will pretty much know the answer before you ask them.

But, as my tag-line saids, it is better to reign in Hell, than serve in Heav’n, and living your life when weighed down by a crush is a form of Hell, just a sanitised version.

Addendum
Another inspiration for this post was a girl from work asking me if a boy has any idea if a girl likes them. I didn’t really know the answer, as I’m a dreadfully bad judge of person. I made a couple of guesses, some more likely than others, but she refuted them. So I’m now left with two options, either I was right but she was embarrassed and denied them; or, I’m missing the obvious one. A tad queer, but it’s about a woman, so of course it is strange.

References & Footnotes

1. Gazaroosa
2. Limerence, Wikipedia
3. Gaz’s profile
4. Romantic Hope
5. When I was 17, I finally built up the nerve to ask a girl out who I had been pining over for a couple of months. I had a Southern Comfort to calm my nerves. 5 shots later, I was drunk, and let’s just say it didn’t go well (See here).
6. How to ask a friend out